I've got a Byline

Despite being a full time writer, it has been a long time since I've had my own byline. The latest issue of Adoptive Families has a story I wrote in it. The story is just a little, personal reflection on first meeting our little love bug.

Rolling in the Mud

Today was the RICKA planning party and first official paddle of the year. I have been itching to get out for a few months and it seemed like every time the chance came up, I had a conflict. Since I was going to the planning party, I had no conflicts with the paddle except for Bug's swimming class in the morning. I decided, with some difficulty, that I could miss one swimming class and get some stick time. A happier daddy makes for a happier Bug.
The weather has started to take a turn for the better in the last week and it looks like Spring has finally arrived. Too bad it took a hiatus this morning. When PB picked me up this morning it was chilly. By the time we got to Gooseberry Point, it was down right cold and the wind was howling. We seriously considered spending the morning at the Bayside and skipping the paddling. The conditions were not going to make for a pleasant paddle in Buzzards Bay. The wind would make paddling a chore. The chop would make paddling damp. The cold would make you think too hard about taking any risks.
Once others started arriving, a consensus to relocate quickly formed. We moved to Hixbridge Road and the Westport River. This would give us some shelter from the wind at the very least. We could paddle up or down river as we fancied.
We fancied going up river, figuring that it is better to paddle into the wind when you are fresh and let the wind blow you home. The trick with going up river was that the tide was going out and the water levels were dropping.... The initial plan was to just paddle a couple of miles up river, then turn back so we would have plenty of water. If we wanted to keep paddling the lower part of the river would have water longer.
The river did provide good shelter and made for a pleasant paddle. It was actually perfect for me. I was a little tired from yesterdays bike ride. My skills are a little rusty as well. The leisurely pace and flat water made it easy for me to find a rhythm and work the kinks out. The river is also pretty scenic and the company was good, so the slow pace helped there as well.
At some point the group decided that we were going all the way to the end.
"We might as well kiss the rock," someone said while CO was looking for some rational reason for the adventure. I'm not sure what she was thinking. Rationality is a rare commodity among RICKA sea kayakers.
The further up river we went the lower the water got. We spent a lot of time looking for the channel and practicing our turns.
After a quick stop at Osprey Sea Kayak Adventures, we headed back. At first it wasn't too bad. As long as you stayed on the narrow course, you stayed afloat. Every now and then the stick would dredge up some mud, but for the first mile or more it was pretty smooth paddling. Then the mud flats came....
The first time I got stuck wasn't too bad. It was only a few hundred feet of digging the stick into the goop. The second time sucked. It was hundreds of yards of digging through the mud. At points the stick was so useless, that I just used my hands to turtle walk through the mud. I would have gotten out and carried the kayak if I didn't think that I would sunk to my neck in the mud.
Once past the last mud flat, the paddle got much better. The stick stopped dragging in the mud and I could cruise along. By the time I got back to the launch point, most of the mud had washed off the kayak and the paddle.
It wasn't the perfect way to start off the season, but was still better than a day at the office.

Back in the Saddle

I got out for the first ride of the season today. It was a short 10 mile ride, but there was more than enough hills. I also managed to get a good variety of riding conditions in: country roads, bike paths, dirt trail, and major roadways.
The two things I learned on the ride: I am in terrible shape and I really like my bike.
Despite going to the gym regularly all winter long, I was not prepared for riding outside. Nothing new there; I always forget how different it is between riding in the gym and riding in the world. I didn't actually feel that bad, but I did have to keep my pace down to a lowly 12mph.
The good news is that Spring is here and there are many months of prime riding weather ahead!

2012

I like to let my year in review posts marinate for a while before writing them. It provides me some space to process the year as a whole. When I start writing them in January, the holidays haven't had enough time to integrate into the totality. The danger is that life will get in the way of writing, and before I can sit down and write the year in review, I've forgotten half of the year I'm reviewing....
I almost fell into that trap this year, but here it goes.
2012 was a rough year professionally. I didn't lose my job or need to take a pay cut or even live through yet another round of pay cuts. In fact, I got a nice raise and a healthy bonus and my job got more secure. What did happen was that for the first half of the year my company lived under the shadow of an impending sale. The second half of the year was spent adjusting to working for a much bigger company. Both situations made it hard to stay focused and motivated. Before the sale it was a little easier because there was hope that our company would survive as a standalone entity; we would continue to be able to do things our way. After the sale, it was much more difficult. The new parent is a good company, but it is huge and has its own way of doing things. It was particularly hard for me, because in many ways it was a step backwards professionally. I went from essentially running a doc team, to being little more than a cog in a sea of cogs.
Personally 2012 was complicated. My anxiety continued to be an issue. In the early part of the year it was fairly acute. I expended far too much energy worrying that every ache and pain was terminal. Fortunately, I'm pretty good at hiding the anxiety and, hopefully, am not scaring Kenzie for life with it. Amping up the exercise, meditation, and nightly journalling have helped reign the anxiety in, although I do wash my hands way too much.
Aside from the shadow of anxiety, my personal life is excellent. (I think that perversely fuels some of the anxiety... My shrink tends to agree) Heather and I, aside from the normal tensions married couples face around money, chores, and child rearing have a great relationship. We work our way through the issues without yelling, saying things we'd regret, or harboring any lingering anger. It is actually pretty cool to have a partner who accepts your crazy and whose crazy fits nicely with your own.
Kenzie is growing like a weed. She is super tall and pretty coordinated for a two year old. She climbs all over her play yard like a champ and before it started getting to cold was trying to climb on the tree in our yard. Watching her personality develop is fascinating. She is a pretty cautious child; she takes her time checking out new situations; she will explore every part of a new toy. Once she is comfortable, she is all in. I can sit for hours and watch her make cookies, talk on her phone, feed and change her babies. The things she remembers are crazy too. She will mention things from week previous with no context and it will take me a while to figure out exactly what she is talking about. She is usually a pretty good sport when it happens (usually).
One of the most amazing things to me is how as she grows, I need to grow as well. I am constantly faced with situations where I must consider my own biases. Whether it is explaining something to her, teaching her how to do something, or managing her behaviors, I find myself asking myself questions. Explaining things to a 2 year forces my to rethink and distill my understanding of them. When deciding to set a limit, I am always asking myself who is this limit intended to help: is it to make me feel better (or my life easier) or is it for her? I don't always change my mind if it is for me, but at least I'm clear about it.
My extended family grew this year as well. My brother got married and had a second child. My niece also got married and had a child. This is a study in contrasts. Everyone was thrilled for my brother and his new wife. They make a good team and are pretty stable. Most of us were concerned for my niece. She is 20 and bi-polar; her husband is an unemployed high school drop out. We were supportive, because the heart wants what the heart wants. All one can do is be there when family needs help. One never can tell how a story will end....
We got to go on a bunch of good vacations. Kenzie seems to be a goodish traveller. The first night at any new place is rough for her, but I think that is true for most kids. It was definitely true for me. Even when I was staying at my grandparents house, the zillionth time, I had a hard time falling asleep the first night. Fortunately, Kenzie shares our enjoyment of the outdoors and the water. If she didn't it would make vacations much harder.
For 2013, I'm going to continue working on anxiety management. Life is too much fun to waste energy on fear. I'm also going to continue enjoying watching Kenzie grow and relish all of the opportunities it offers me to grow as well. As for work, they wouldn't call it work if it was all fun and games. I am keeping my options open. I keep trying to find ways to make positive changes and at the same time keep my eyes open for new opportunities.

Dry Run

I like winter paddling. When the conditions are right, it is the best time to paddle. There is something about the light and the quiet. The added danger probably adds to the allure.
As the temperature started dropping and plenty of good paddles were being listed on the message board, I started getting the itch to paddle again.
Sadly, my trusty old Reed paddle suit had sprung a pretty major leak and needed to be replaced. I considered replacing it with a new Reed suit, but there were enough things about the suit I didn't like and the exchange rate doesn't make it much of a bargain. I also looked at the IR dry suit, but it got very mixed reviews and seems like it needs a little more work before it is as good as the IR paddle tops. In the end I decided to go with the defacto standard: Kokatat Meridian. They are expensive, but have an impeccable reputation. The new styling is top notch as well. The old style mango and orange was fugly.
When it finally came I needed to give it a proper trial run. Fortune smiled o,n me and provided a perfect weekend for paddling. The forecast was for cear and warm weather. I wanted an easy and nearby paddle and was thinking a lake or Walden Pond until PB suggested Cape Ann. That sounded lie a much better idea. It is still close, but got us on the ocean.
Before setting out we had to trim the neck of the dry suit... PB bravely volunteered to do the cutting since he had experience. My nerves would have made a suit wrecking nick inevitable. In the end we trimmed what looked like five inches off the neck.
Our plan was pretty loose. All we knew was that we were paddling in Gloucester. Once we got closer, we decided to checkout Wingersheek Beach as a launch site. Both of us had paddled out of the harbor, and PB was looking for something new.
Wingersheek is a decent off season launch if you don't mind the carry from the parking lot to the beach. At the dead of winter though the parking lot is closed. You can still use the beach to launch, but it is much longer carry. We decided to pass.
Up the road from Wingersheek is a state fishing area and boat launch that puts you out into the end of the Annasquam. It looks like a great place from which to launch a kayak. The parking lot is reasonably large the boat ramp is dirt and not too steep. I had used this put in once before and knew it hard a dark secret.... At high tide portions of the parking lot can flood and claim unsuspecting cars. This was the sight of Egg 1.0's drowning.
PB and I decided that we would use the launch anyway. It was not supposed to be a particularly high tide and there were plenty of high areas that wouldn't flood even in a big high tide.
The paddle was just what I needed. The sun never quite warmed things as predicted and the thin fog hung in the air throughout the trip. In an odd way that sort added to the paddle. It kept things quiet.
The dry suit was excellent as expected. The neck gasket was still a little too tight, but that is easily fixed. It was comfortable to wear and didn't look too goofy. After the Reed suit, I expected that all dry suits were damp suits that kept the sea water out and your sweat in. The Kokatat was actually pretty dry inside. We didn't push ourselves that hard, but hard enough to work up a sweat. Most of it evaporated through the gore tex as advertised. I stayed toasty and dry. It will be interesting to see how it works on a hard core paddle.....