Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Getting Older

Last month H, K, and I visited my Mom in FL and my Mom was commenting on how she couldn't believe that her baby was turning 35 and that she was turning 65. It was a simple comment that sent my brain spinning in dark circles.
"Oh my god, when K graduates from college I'll be 65! Will I live that long? Will I be healthy enough to teach her to enjoy the outside as much as I do? I cannot believe all the stupid, unhealthy shit I did. My lord, I'm a walking poster child for unhealthy lifestyles what with all the TV I watch and my general winter sloth........ Not to mention the fact that I sit at a desk all day...."
In case you didn't know, I am a bit of a catastophist and a little anxiety riddled and a bit of a hypochondriac. The calm, Zen-like exterior is just a thin facade.
In the face of this spiraling descent in to anxiety induced paralysis, I decided (with a lot of help from the ever patient H) that the only thing to do was commit myself to staying healthy and enjoy life for what it is.
One other thing about me is that I am not really able to ease into to things. There are really only two states: on or off. So, I went all in. I created a plan to start bike commuting to work and lose weight and eat right like I was in my twenties. Sadly, my body is in its forties.
It takes more than two weeks to build up the cardio fitness to push a single speed thirteen miles over some reasonably hilly terrain. It takes more than a day to recover from pushing my body too hard. Weight does not melt off at light speed. Eating habits that have built up over a life time get pretty entrenched.
It is hard to have the fact of your mortality dragged into the daylight. I think most of us tend to keep it in a dark place where we don't have to think about much and that is a good thing. Thinking about it is terrifying.
So, I'm not a kid any more and I have a long term responsibility. I also have a lot of things I want to do on this mortal plane. I will keep working on getting and staying in shape. I will be more cognizant of what I eat. Most importantly I'm putting the fact of my mortality in a box among the other crap in my closet. Life is too precious to waste time thinking about it ending.

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