Quarantine Week 4+

Last week was the roughest yet.
Somehow I keep thinking I will slip into a routine and adjust to the new normal. It is not true.
Thursday and Friday were black days. I was angry and on edge both days for no particular reason. I couldn't even find my way to get some movement. I was actually too angry, or craving control, to allow myself to exercise. The stairs pissed me off; the thought of sitting on the damn stationery bike with barely working gears disgusted me; walking around our deserted neighborhood wearing a mask like it was the god damn zombie apocalypse depressed me.
H had spent the week stressing about getting groceries. We finally got a curbside pick-up scheduled for Sunday, but it was curbside and we needed to make sure we stocked up enough for two weeks. There were times I just didn't care if we even had food; I just wanted to stop hearing about getting food. It probably didn't help that we were digging into the left over food in the back of the freezer for dinners...
My work sucked. I was spending more time fixing a tiny bug in an obsolete installer and answering inane e-mails than I was getting new work done. That was in the small bursts of time I had to actually work between H's meetings, Bug's incessant need for attention, and the less than occasional flare ups.
H is still trying to find her legs doing her job remotely. Her job really does not lend itself to being "remote". There are privacy issues; privacy and internet are oxymorons. There is managing parents expectations when every school district is doing something different, there is no central leadership, and no end date in site.
Bug is actually starting to adjust to home schooling, but it is still a struggle for her. She is not a sit quietly and do work person. She is move around and do stuff person. She is capable of great things but like most people would rather not paddle up stream into the wind without knowing there is a payoff. She misses her friends even though she talks to them and virtually plays with them as much as possible. She gets too much screen time and rebels at our attempts to restrict her and get her to do things IRL. She does not get enough space to make mistakes without us being around to notice and, without us, with the best intentions, trying to use them as teaching moments.
The weekend was better. I did actually leave to house for walks. It was depressing, but the sun was nice.
Getting food was strange. All the information on the available says food is safe, but we still spent an inordinate amount of effort decontaminating it. Having some more food in the house is nice.
This week has not been much better. The rain on Monday was depressing and work was interminable. Then we found out that our early summer camping destination was postponing registrations again. Bug's summer camps sent out notices about how they are hoping to still run programs, but are putting all sorts of restrictions in place.
Tuesday I forced myself on the bike which was the right thing to do. I at least slept better.
In short, the longer this drags on, the more it is grating on me. Yet there is no end in site. Maybe we can stop being trapped in the house before June, but all models point to a repeat lock down in the Fall. In between, there is still no telling who is carrying the apocalypse and we'll get to witness the devastation our months of lock down has wrought.
Still we soldier on....